Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize