And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
