i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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