I wish I could teleport
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
