walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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