Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize