Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
then he tried to convert me to islam
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
