I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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