my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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