Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My breasts were aching with rage.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Floor bacon is actually really good
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