summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize