They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
