Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
All the doctor said was why
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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