If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
