How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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