Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
