gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize