Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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