You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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