i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
