i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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