Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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