New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
