I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
