he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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