It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
