So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
4 words: hood of his car
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
