They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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