okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
