Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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