Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
