Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
