I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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