I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
