So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
