After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
