I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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