her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
