i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
