Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
