Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
mondays should just be called national damage control day
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
