Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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