dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
