We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Its about making memories worth repressing
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
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