you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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