I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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