I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you didnt know i had herpes?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
