oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Your penis caused this!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
