Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
COCAINE IS GR8
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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