The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Couch. On fire.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize