you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
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