8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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