I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize