i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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