for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
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You. Win. At. Life.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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