The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
