we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
