I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
