So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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