We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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