So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
