so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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