3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
