4 words: hood of his car
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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