I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Did I show you my penis last night?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
