I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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