his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
