She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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