That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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