i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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