Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize