your parents love me but you hate me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Found your dick twin last night
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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