Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
