I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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