I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize