The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
