You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
