Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
