I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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