She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
