She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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