My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
