i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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