So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
