I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
