I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
