Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
