Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
