based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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