2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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