Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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